I am a(n):

White, nearly 30-year-old, cisgender woman.
Unapologetic Fatty.
Self-medicated mess.
Foodie.
Hairy, new-ish [lazy]Femme.
Slut.
Misandrist.
Childfree, straight-presenting, house-spouse /slash/ Dog Mom.
Liberal.
Intersectional Feminist.
Collector of interests.
Survivor.
Game lover.
Writer.
Wanna-be nail artist.
"Young" Denture Wearer.
Abortion-supporting Witch
"Texan trying to live a better, shame-free life in one of the toughest places to do that." [via]

...and this is my personal blog.

Here are some posts I've tagged 'About Me' that may provide more insight into who I am.

Here are my "vlogs."

If you know me "in real life," READ THIS!, and know this:

"There are a lot of things about me that aren't what you thought. But if you love me, you have to love all the things about me." -- Frances "Baby" Houseman

For what it's worth, operators of NSFW blogs, I do -NOT- consent to having my images reblogged or saved and uploaded to your site. (Only people who suck 12 rusty metal dildos at once disregard consent!)

  • cannelledusoleil
  • marfmellow
  • fatanarchy
  • eatyourpaisley
  • imsarahcate
  • fancybidet
  • joetheblogger
  • socialistexan
  • jinxasaurus
  • bobloblawlawbloglogginglawbombs
  • brainstatic
  • chronic-mastication
  • boyqueen
  • stormlanders
  • ro-s-aspa-rks
  • brashblacknonbeliever
  • sarawildish
  • lagertha-lodbrok
  • maishaparadox
  • whenindoubt-glitter
  • pachylover
  • crimble-crumble
  • lipsyncforyourlife
  • dear-photograph
  • shakethecobwebs
  • racismschool
  • missgingerlee
  • stfuconservatives
  • fatsmartandpretty
  • thefrogman
  • riotsnotdiets
  • bobomama
  • vengefulcheesecake
  • choirgirlsiren
  • strangeasanjles
  • oh-so-coco
  • fyeahvbo
  • scarfy
  • fatpeopleart
  • iuva
  • logotv
  • otisthecorgi
  • benandjerrys
  • sillysocialisthippie
  • lapocketrocket
  • lavishlaura
  • womenwhokickass
  • rapstarwife
  • queenspiration
  • mollycrabapple
  • dontletanyonefuckwithyou
  • pumpkin-tits
  • chubbycartwheels
  • tangledupinlace
  • flippinfatties
  • mrshowardhughes
  • toomanysequins
  • calmingmanatee
  • ramou
  • ultraprism
  • kylathegreat
  • stoya
  • fatgirlsdoingthings
  • plumppolish
  • footagenotfound
  • ieatbutter
  • prettygirlseating
  • fatspocoloringbook
  • hisblackdress
  • dzamma1
  • cmrubinworld
  • trextrying
  • heavymuffintop
  • fatpeopleofcolor
  • sparklemotionpanda
  • anti-oppressivebabyanimals
  • tumblrbot
  • deathfatties
  • fatacceptancefrenchie
  • joegressivism
  • randomlancila
  • beautifulswearwords
  • amytrahey
  • fatvanity
  • fatfromtheside
  • scarletfurys
  • scburlesque
  • peacefuldreaming

Speaking of someone knowing about my crazy…

…said person and I were talking last night about my recent bipolar to BPD “switch” and he loled and said, “Oh honey, you’re not BPD. I’ve met those people and you’re NOT that. You definitely have SOMETHING…I can clearly see OCD and PTSD, but the rest of your crazy is most likely anxiety related. I’ve not been around you but a few hours but that’s what I’m seeing. Read up some more on BPD. The article you read was only comparing bipolar to BPD, there’s a lot more to it than what was discussed there.”

Read More

Posterity Post

Read More

(MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING) How Violent Sex Helped Ease My PTSD

If you can handle the hardcore triggers, it’s an exceptional read.

Lucky to Be: This is directed to everyone who tags PTSD

onemanbombsquad:

lesoscreux:

notreeawaits:

pearlsinmysoup:

You are worth it. 

You are loveable.

You can beat this.

Because we’re worth it. We’re loveable. We can beat this.

Because I have PTSD and don’t you dare say you’re not worth it, or you’re not loveable, or that you can’t beat this. Because you’re telling me and others like me to give up.

You’re not alone anymore. We’re in this together. And if we can’t get support from those out there, then we’ll get it here. 

I believe that you’re worth it. I love you. And I know we can beat this.

Never Give Up, Never Surrender.

Thanks <3

Thank you. This is great.

even though I’ve gotten to where I don’t really have any life-impacting symptoms anymore, thank you.

^ seconded.

It gets better, I promise.

thesurvivorsmark: One step at a time; try to enjoy the scenery along the way, it’s [almost certainly] going to be a long journey.

thesurvivorsmark:

One step at a time; try to enjoy the scenery along the way, it’s [almost certainly] going to be a long journey.

(Source: letters-intertwined)

I am in a very dark place today.

I do not like it at all.

I wish this place was like every other place and I could just leave.

*edit*

Jordan just came home and kicked me out of that place*, with a Doctor Who T-shirt. How I love that man of mine!

* = whether it only lasts a few moments or the rest of the day, it was nice to smile and laugh with him. Such a contrast from the rest of my day, spent weeping/talking to myself in bed.

mrshowardhughes replied to your post: I am in a very dark place today.

i had a ptsd day yesterday, it was awful. you should get buzzed later, stay up really late and you’ll wake up in a better mood.

There are no words to explain how I kicked my funk; only 2 images.

My brother-in-law posted this in response to my “dark place” status on Facebook:

I then opened GIMP and spent more hours than I’ll ever admit “creating” this:

Working on it took my mind to a much better place; thank blog. I don’t know if I could have been that angry for a whole ‘nother day. Believe it or not, this goofy concoction even psyched me up enough to confront on of my bigger fears; I went grocery shopping after dark, and I didn’t freak out once. *fistpump*

Actually, it’s a good thing I went because I helped the young Mom in line ahead of me pay for her groceries. She was getting some things on WIC and the cornflakes she wanted wouldn’t “count” because it was a two-pack. The cost was $6 and some change, practically nothing to me, but everything to her. I figured there’d be a special ring in Hell for me if I didn’t help her out, considering I had a cart full of fruit and cookies and chips, and she was just trying to get a nutritious breakfast for her gorgeous little girl. That tiny moment turned my whole day around. It filled me with a sense of purpose and accomplishment, it refilled my love-and-hope-o-meter.

Edited due to EPIC suggestions! (the original)

Edited due to EPIC suggestions!

(the original)

The aftermath of that trauma could be seen in their brain scans, whether or not the young adults had developed diagnosable disorders. Regardless of their mental health status, formerly maltreated youth showed reductions in volume of about 6% on average in two parts of the hippocampus, and 4% reductions in regions called the subiculum and presubiculum, compared with people who had not been abused.

That’s where this study begins to tie together loose ends seen in prior research. Previous data have suggested that the high levels of stress hormones associated with child maltreatment can damage the hippocampus, which may in turn affect people’s ability to cope with stress later in life. In other words, early stress makes the brain less resilient to the effects of later stress. “We suspect that [the reductions we saw are] a consequence of maltreatment and a risk factor for developing PTSD following exposure to further traumas,” the authors write.

Maia Szalavitz, “How Child Abuse Primes the Brain for Future Mental Illness”

Yep. 

(via unknowablewoman)

It’s official. I wouldn’t be who I am today without the abuse.

And [surprisingly] I am okay with that.

~Sandy

(via thesurvivorsmark)

Sometimes I remember…strange…things from my…childhood.

[[TRIGGER WARNING: Inferred childhood sexual abuse]]

  • Ms. B: “That cartoon is so dark; this child has experienced something horrific. We need to refer her to a psychiatrist immediately!”
  • Principal: “There’s nothing we can do, her parents are uninsured.”
  • Ms. B: “Well, then I’ll counsel her here, where I can do it for free.”
  • Principal: “That’s illegal on many levels. And maybe unethical.”
  • Ms. B: “Well then I’ll help her in my off time.”
  • Principal: “Nope.”
  • Ms. B: “Then I’ll be her friend.”
  • Principal: “You’ll need her parent’s permission. They may consider it a violation….”
  • Ms. B: “Where were they when ~he~ was violating her?!”
  • Principal: “That right there is the problem. You’re too emotionally invested in this. Drop it, or you can be fired! I don’t want to fire you, of course, but if you cross a line and her parents insist it, my hands are tied.”
  • Ms. B: *shuts up and sends me back to class* 

—an exchange I overheard between my elementary school counselor and principal in third grade