The Onion:

God Urges Rick Perry Not To Run For President

So, instead of the classic “of the people,  by the people, for the people” we’re gonna go with “of the Perry, by the Perry, for the Perry?”

\engage sarcasm font\

Cannot wait.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE START EDUCATING PEOPLE IN THE SOUTH???

-I- flew one of those flags for most of my youth because I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER; because I was preached to about “heritage” instead of informed about the truth.

I still hear the N word. It’s twenty fucking eleven, and I still have to ask people to not use that word around me. Black people can use it all they want, with or without the “a” on the end, it’s theirs to reclaim should they choose, but if I have to tell one more white teenager to watch his mouth, I might lose it and smack someone. Probably said ignorant white kid’s parents.

Because we aren’t born with that word in our vocabulary. Mommy and/or Daddy teaches it to us. And not just how to say/spell the word, but it’s definition, which is one of pure hate.

Disgusting.

“They clearly learned the revisionist bullshit in class were state rights meant the federal government was going to take their guns or some crap like that.”

100% true for me and most likely for the next generation (especially if Governor Good Hair takes over.) How I wish more people were campaigning for accurate and unbiased textbooks and teachers. How I wish Rick Perry would stop taking money away from schools and making it rain on Formula One Racing.

(inspired by this)

(1) Perry allowed the execution of a likely innocent man, then impeded an investigation into the matter.

(2) Perry wants to repeal the 16th and 17th amendments, ending direct election of U.S. senators and the Federal income tax.

(3) Perry proposed letting states drop out of social security and medicaid.

(4) Texas is the country’s biggest polluter, but Perry sued the federal government for disapproving of the state’s air quality standards.

(5) Perry designated as “emergency legislation” a bill requiring all women seeking abortions to have sonograms first.

(6) Perry gutted childcare services, even as Texas childhood poverty hit 25%

(7) Perry was a strong supporter of Texas’s anti-sodomy laws.

(8) Perry is a stimulus hypocrite who loudly criticized federal recovery money, but used it to balance his state’s budget.

(9) Perry said that Texas might have to secede from the United States

(10) Despite having the worst uninsured rate in the country, Perry claims that Texas has “the best health care in the country.”

Click HERE to see more information about each of these items.

stfuconservatives:

necroblade:

stfuconservatives:

“… money is probably the most highly overrated thing in the world from a standpoint of being happy with your life.”

—

Rick Perry

This is probably one of the most privileged statements I have ever heard in my entire goddamn life. How fucking clueless can you be to say something as ignorant as “money is overrated.”

I am trembling with anger from this. Go fuck yourself in the worse possible way you bullshit, irrelevant, incoherent, scum-sucking, murdering, Bush wannabe!

-Joe

Really? THAT’s what you took from that? Sounds to me like “money isn’t everything.” Believe it or not you can be happy without money. That’s an often overlooked fact. I may not like Rick Perry either, but get your head out of your ass once in a while.

Really? Have you ever tried?

-Joe

Joe’s right—this is the most privileged statement that can be stated. Anyone who says you don’t need money to be happy usually has lots of it.

As much as it’d be nice for love and rainbows to run the world, that’s not the case. If you can’t buy toilet paper, or food, or a warm coat, or a cold beverage, you’re probably not very happy. If you can’t afford to have a broken tooth fixed, if you don’t have clean water to bathe in and drink, if you haven’t seen your family in years because they shipped you off to a “better” country, you’re probably not very happy.

Being happy requires the basic human necessities, which you cannot acquire without money. It is what it is.

Now do yourself a favor and stop listening to Governor Good Hair. It will make your life infinitely better.

kileyrae:

Damnit Texas.

If jetpacks ran on rage I’d be so outta here.