Sooo the “Notes” on Facebook isn’t working for me…it’s just not “bloggy” enough. So, this is the official debut of my new blog. I started it to follow someone I was watching on Twitter, in case anyone wants to know why I picked tumblr over livejournal/blogspot/whatever. Simple as that. ;)

I guess I’ll keep blogging what I’ve always blogged…the craziest inner-workings of my fragile mind. My life isn’t always very interesting, but on the days it is, I truly relish in writing about it as vividly as possible. It gets the anger out, keeps my writing fresh, and my mind exercised, and it’s really good for passing the time. :)

And like MySpace, this blog lets me post pics, which we all know I looooove. <3

Adios for now, friends. I’m off to the cable company!

Via MySpace, I apologize in advance.

The shitteth hath hitteth the fan…eth. That’s all I’m at liberty to say about it right now.

Because of said shit, and her complete inability to contact me directly, she will go through anyone she can think of/find. I know my Mom is safe, I helped her change her settings. Brad checks his often so I’ll know right away if she goes that route, and Mookie never checks his so haha. Mom takes care of Dad’s so that’s covered, too. But if she can remember any of your names, I worry she’ll try to use you, too.

Ignore whateverthehell she might have to say…I’m hoping it will be directed at me and not you anyway, but just in case, know she’s not in her right mind and there’s no sense justifying her behavior. Don’t let her get to you.

Please forward the message to me (on the Survivor’s Mark site) so I can print it and add it to the file. If we go to court, and she’s saying we will, I’ll need all the proof I can get. (I hate having to use the site for that, but at this point I have no other option. I refuse to make another personal page. the link is www.myspace.com/toldyouicouldsavetheworld )

Again, I’m sorry I even have to write this. It’s so maddening to know there’s nothing I can do to stop her from contacting whoever she wants…maybe if enough people report her on MySpace they’ll delete her account? (*tinyspeedyflashofthatbeingreality* Man, that would be swell.)

I had no idea deleting my page would make her go through my family…I actually thought it would stop fueling her and make her go away. It’s funny to me that not being in my business is making her act more irrationally than ever…but at the same time I feel awful for all of you.

Please pray for me. I need lots of strength and courage. And pray for Jordan, he needs guidance and comfort and unburdening. And Bekah too, please, I am worried about her most of all. And please pray for Misty, she needs a whole lot of love, and I’m starting to think only God has that much patience and forgiveness.

EDIT:   She’s recently found Facebook, too. As with MySpace, she can’t contact me, but if she can find any of my family or friends, I can’t help but to assume she will. Same rules, I guess, if she sends you anything, please forward it to me so I can print and save it. She’s been quiet since I mailed the cease and desist letter but I don’t trust her any further than I could throw her. I’d give her the benefit of the doubt but the last 3 times I did that it bit me in the ass!

The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There’s only us
There’s only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

…

There’s only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what’s right
No other course
No other way
No day but today

…

I can’t control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just
To be
There’s only now
There’s only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today

(from Rent, “Another Day”)

I will be just fine.

we can’t go. and i’m super upset about it. i’m crying as i type. USAA is the insurance company from the wreck last year. they called last night and want $3000 by the 31st or they’re suing me & taking my license. i have no idea what to do or how to do it…obviously i have to get a job, which means i need a working car & that’s a whole other level of shit that needs to get done that i don’t know where to start.

it’s a big mess. i’m so mad. i really really wanted to see my peeps. :***(   once this is paid though, i’m going out to Hachie, and i’m not leaving til i’m damn good and tired of every one of my friends. :P  i can’t believe it’s been a whole year since i’ve hugged and talked to and drank with you guys. ugh, my heart hurts just thinking about it.

man, how can they just call and insist i pay?? i never got a claim, a letter, a bill, NOthing…and the wreck was exactly a year ago, on the 19th. it’s complete bullshit, and when they call again today, and i’m sure they will until i set up payment arrangements, i’m telling them it’s bullshit. i want a detailed list of what i’m paying for dammit. my car was FUCKED and STILL isn’t fixed, and hers wasn’t even dented and she gets $4k?? (they are willing to “settle” for a flat $3k, but the total damage was a few hundred short of 4.) yeah, i don’t think so.

it was gonna be hard for us to come anyway because we’re supposed to be saving up for a lawyer…but now it’s just plain impossible. how can i justify spending a dime between now and the time this debt is paid? i can’t, until i have a job. *sigh* what a disaster.

i think i’m gonna go lay on the couch and finish crying this out. then i’m gonna take all my anger regarding the situation and channel it into cleaning up the yard. i can’t start the mower bc of my acursed T-Rex arms, but i’ll rip the weeds out with my bare hands if i have to.

Then that snippy hoe from USAA would back the hell off. She called me a liar, twice, and then hung up on me! Well the joke’s on you, “Michelle.” I called MY insurance company and guess what? The crap you’re pulling is illegal. So suck it. And PS? You can’t take my license. You only think you can because you don’t have my insurance policy number. But just cause you don’t know it doesn’t mean it’s not there. And Richard’s policy is rock solid, too. And since we both have the same company, and cause Debbie likes me, some strings will be pulled and you might never get my money. And if you do get some, it won’t be anything close to four thousand dollars.

Oh, and one more thing? If you were as smart as you think you are, you’d have the police report. And you’d know I was issued a ticket for no insurance. You’d also know that the ticket was dismissed when I mailed in proof of coverage. Which has the policy number on it! WOW! Your job must be so hard. What other explanation could there be? Oh right…you’re an idiot.

You thought you were calling some back woods, law-illiterate hillbilly I bet. Well you were wrong. I have my resources, too, and unlike you, I use my powers for good. I don’t call up unsuspecting people and demand money. And I don’t lie to them and use phony scare tactics to try to get it. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, you know. Or didn’t your Momma teach you anything other than how to be a huge bitch?

when Daisy sleeps, she dreams a LOT. and it’s possibly the cutest thing EVER. sometimes her little feets move like she’s running, sometimes she barks these adorable little sleepy barks, sometimes she just has this giant grin. she almost always snores. it’s seriously beyond awesome.  >.<

i can’t help but wonder what she dreams about. jordan’s answer was simple, and in his eyes, absolute.

“bacon.”

I got a text from my Mom about the shooting at Fort Hood shortly after it happened. My immediate thought was my brother, Brad. He is ok. For now. I was just texted that he’s being loaded onto a Humvee and sent on mission. I can only assume it’s to search for more perpetrators. He is MP, that’s his job.

After I knew Brad was ok, I realized Jordan’s best friend Brian and his wife and daughter all live very close to where the shots broke out. I texted her, and thank God, all 3 of them are safe. When I heard from her last she was desperately trying to get through to Adah’s school while hiding under the bed. Brian was at that time holed up somewhere, but she said he was ok.

I’m glued to the TV. I know I should turn it off, but I can’t look away. I feel like I have to know every detail I can get. I have so many questions, and I don’t know where else to look for answers.

I just can’t wrap my head around all this. I have been working on coming to terms with him being in danger overseas, he deploys this spring. But at home? By fellow soldiers? I just can’t make sense of it.

My heart goes out to every one of my Army family members. With so many dead and wounded, people are hurting all over the world tonight. Much love to you all.

IF YOU FIND IT OFFENSIVE, YOU ARE CLEARLY NOT ON THE INSIDE. (so sad.)

It won’t fit on my Facebook page, so I’m posting it here on Tumblr, where it can live FOREVER!

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commencing denial immediately.

logging off Facebook until i forget what i think i just saw.

which, after a few beers, shouldn’t be hard.

shit, it’s only 2 pm. 3 hours til beer. 3 hours to think. 3 hours to wonder.

DON’T WANNA!!

GTFO of my head/life please. kthx.

I was in the hospital from 5 pm Friday to 5 pm Sunday, but I got sick around 1 am on Friday…I dealt with the pain, bleeding, etc. for 15 hours before I finally gave in and called my Mom. Apparently I was sicker than I ever imagined…they admitted me straight away, pumped me full of IV fluids, did a CT Scan and lots of blood work, and had me ready for a blood transfusion at any time. Who knew one little bacteria could cause so much damage?!

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Jordan and I have been watching Dexter for 3 days so I’m feeling slightly weird today. Eh, weird is not the right word. Thoughtful? Outsider-y? Empty?

“There are no secrets in life, just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface.” Truer words were never spoken.

It’s a holiday, a national, religious, family, fun, used to be my favorite, holiday. Yet I feel myself relating to Showtime’s favorite serial killer. I’m not feeling it AT all. Maybe it’s cause it’s just Jordan and Daisy and I, hanging out, and I’m kinda bored. Maybe it’s cause it looks like rain. Maybe it’s cause…

Oh, bullshit! I’m lying to myself again. I feel this way today because I don’t feel “normal.” My stupid woman parts are making me feel like a loser because I’m not running around the yard hiding and hunting eggs with kiddos. I’m not at all ready for nor desiring children, yet my hormones fuck my mind on days like today and it sucks. I’m not into second guessing myself and when biology FORCES me to question myself and my choices and my future it’s VERY annoying.

In closing, FUCK OFF, UTERUS. You are not the boss of me!! IF Jordan and I decide to have a kid, it will be on OUR terms, not yours. And even if we wait til I’m 50 and you don’t work anymore, we can adopt one of about a kajillion babies who need a loving family. So put that in your juice box and suck it.