calm the fuck down mechanisms

engage

“oh yes a panic attack would be super nice right now”

said no one ever

I shared a long, mushy post about my PTSD/social anxiety on Facebook this morning and it’s gotten a really positive response.

It feels so good to be open and honest about my crazy and not be dismissed!

Beyonce says in the beginning of her documentary that it’s not healthy to never be satisfied with where you are in life.

I cannot explain how deeply that idea has affected me.

~incoherent rambling that I’ve been adding to off and on for 2 days~

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jinxasaurus replied to your post: Wow, did it really take me 4 hours to compose that…

We blog the same way! I can get caught up in one post for HOURS.

At first I was mad at myself for getting lost in a spiral of obsession, but then I realized, my focus should not be the fact that I was obsessing, but rather what I was obsessing over.

I wanted to make sure to arrange my words in a way that clearly expressed what I’m thinking without hurting anyone else. I wanted to unburden my mind, but not at anyone else’s expense, so I chose my words and phrasing with care.

I guess I’m saying that I decided I’m okay with losing that time, because the time was well-spent in my mind?

(idk maybe I’m just justifying my crazy but ~whatever~ it’s mine I can do what I want with it)

blankslate:

1.
no one ever congratulates you
for doing the really difficult things
like driving on the freeway or getting out of bed or
staying alive

2.
every friendship you make is a countdown
to the moment
when they finally can’t deal
with the missed calls and canceled hangouts
every friendship is on a timer
every friendship expires sooner,
not later

3.
you hear phrases like “bootstraps”
over and over
until you wish you had some to hang
yourself with

4.
you have to learn to simultaneously
relax your muscles
and move them with determination
you have to be in control
and you have to let go
at the same time
it’s enough to drive you into
a blubbering mess

5.
music is a conduit
crying is a conduit
your dad calling is a conduit
everything becomes a conduit
for either having or not having another panic attack

6.
you learn to stop making plans
because you’ll either disappoint yourself
or someone you care about or both

7.
you accept all of it

8.
you hope someday everyone else can
accept it too

countfrankula:

depression is like not giving a fuck and anxiety is like giving too many fucks and when you have both it’s like fuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkk

(Source: olipsyches)

Someone I Know: I’m really OCD about _______.

Me: Wow, that’s neat, I’m really OCD about everything.

The thing I hate most about OCPD is the indecision, because it’s indecision based in nothingness. For example, I’m currently trying to choose whether or not I should diligently finish my first Borderlands 2 playthrough before beginning Tomb Raider.

Clearly this isn’t a monumental choice. It bears no importance on anything. Either way my life will not change. I will simply play one game or the other until Jordan gets home from work. Yet, inside my head there’s a voice saying, “You can’t start a new thing until you finish the old thing.” “You won’t enjoy Tomb Raider if Borderlands 2 is in the back of your mind.” “What if you miss something in one game because you’re half-committed to another?”

And this is how I end up not playing either game, scrolling through my Dash for hours with a massive alcoholic beverage in-hand.

This cycle of “postpone versus complete” only results in a big pile of half-finished projects, and an even bigger list of projects I’m not “allowed” to start.