I am a(n):

White, nearly 30-year-old, cisgender woman.
Unapologetic Fatty.
Self-medicated mess.
Foodie /slash/ professional cook (at a hospital.)
Hairy, [lazy]Femme.
Slut.
Misandrist.
Childfree, polyamorous pansexual wife and Dog Mom.
Liberal.
Intersectional Feminist.
Collector of interests.
Survivor.
Game lover.
Writer.
Wanna-be artist.
"Young" Denture Wearer.
Abortion-supporting Witch
"Texan trying to live a better, shame-free life in one of the toughest places to do that." [via]

...and this is my personal blog.

Here are some posts I've tagged 'About Me' that may provide more insight into who I am.

Here are my "vlogs."

If you know me "in real life," READ THIS!, and know this:

"There are a lot of things about me that aren't what you thought. But if you love me, you have to love all the things about me. " -- Frances "Baby" Houseman (from, you know, Dirty Dancing)

For what it's worth, operators of pornography blogs, I do -NOT- consent to having my images reblogged or saved and uploaded to your site. (Only people who suck 12 rusty metal dildos at once disregard consent!)

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When Jordan’s Friend was over last week for a visit he said that Dahlia looked like a lab/chow mix. After some Googling, I’ve come to the conclusion he’s almost certainly correct. So, now we knew, my baby girl is most likely a ~chabrador~.

Dahlia has figured out that if she goes over and nudges the leashes with her nose [the way Daisy does], I will take her outside.

At first I was like, “Hell yeah, housetrained in 3 days!,” but then I realized that *she* had realized that I have no way to know when she actually has to pee and when she wants to PLAY PLAY PLAY in the yard.

 imsarahcate replied to your post “ scarfy replied to your post: She finally posed for me!…and then…”

Honestly? She kind of looks like someone crossed a Labrador with a Dachshund. Regardless she is ADORABLE!

I think so, too. She’s got the snout and long torso of a Dachshund, and the height, paws, coat, and demeanor of a Lab.

And, yeah, she’s pretty darned precious. I just got home from work and you’d think she’d been alone all day, she was so happy to see me—even though she was only her without human supervision from 11-2.

I can’t wait for her to get more acclimated to us, so I can get some even better pictures. :D

Before anyone Asks, yes, I’ve looked at every lost & found dog website I could find to make sure Dahlia’s not on any of them. When I take her to the vet on Wednesday, I’ll have them check for a microchip, just in case.

But:

I don’t think they’ll find one. This puppy is 3 months old, at the oldest. She didn’t have a collar, or any trace that she’s ever worn one. She is still very wobbly on her feet, especially in the house. The way she acts in the house makes is clear to me she’s never been in one before. When I took her outside for the first time, it was obvious she’d never been on a leash. I absolutely do not for one moment believe she was anyone’s pet.

I have no doubt in my mind that she was “dumped,” right here in downtown of all places. I’m just glad she found us before she got hit by a car; my house is the only residence for many blocks, and I live right on one of the business 5-lane highways in the city.

 scarfy replied to your post: She finally posed for me!…and then tri…

She’s got a bit of a dachshund look to her.

My Mom, a good friend, and I agree. Jordan disagrees. I think because she’s so tall. It doesn’t really matter to us, other than my being curious and hoping there aren’t any breed-specific health things to worry about. I’m off from work Wednesday and plan to take her to a vet and have her checked out.

Daisy’s pretty stoked about having a new friend to play with.

Daisy’s pretty stoked about having a new friend to play with.

She finally posed for me!…and then tried to eat the camera.

GPOY: PUPPY SELFIES!!1!!!1 Edition.

~bbs first beggin’ strip~

Introducing: Dahlia Li.
She *literally* followed me home like a lost puppy.

Introducing: Dahlia Li.

She *literally* followed me home like a lost puppy.

~Someone~ smooched my puppy whilst wearing hot pink Baby Lips.
(It was me!)

~Someone~ smooched my puppy whilst wearing hot pink Baby Lips.

(It was me!)

 lemandy replied to your post: Good news, everyone! I did *not* break…

Ummm is your dog called Dundie as a homage to the office? Because if so then.. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!!!

HE TOTALLY IS! Congrats on being the first person EVER in the history of our owning him (since New Year’s 2011) to get the joke!

When I was taking pictures of my face with my new makeup on it I swear I could hear Daisy’s inner monologue mimicking the Beggin Strips commercials from the 90’s: 

"Selfies? Gotta take those selfies! Pretty selfies, artsy selfies, alllll the selfies! I’d take ‘em myself but I don’t have thumbs!"

"Okay, Mom, now take a hipster picture with the sun beam on my face!"

This is the funniest thing that has ever happened to me.
(I spent 30 minutes trying to put them on her face and hysterically laughing at her reaction; when it was clear she was OVER it, I resorted to merely holding the glasses up way away from her, which she was more than willing to pose for.)

This is the funniest thing that has ever happened to me.

(I spent 30 minutes trying to put them on her face and hysterically laughing at her reaction; when it was clear she was OVER it, I resorted to merely holding the glasses up way away from her, which she was more than willing to pose for.)

GPOY: This is what every morning in the SuperPants bed looks like Edition.
Immediately after the flash went off he commenced with the licking of my face until I physically got out of bed. My alarm clock is furry, and effective.

GPOY: This is what every morning in the SuperPants bed looks like Edition.

Immediately after the flash went off he commenced with the licking of my face until I physically got out of bed. My alarm clock is furry, and effective.